Marching Around Naked

As some of you may or may not know, I have taken a three month sabbatical to prepare our eventual retirement property in the Kootenays of British Columbia. Our place is located right in the heart of what used to be known as Sons of Freedom territory. The Sons of Freedom was a breakaway sect of Doukabors that had some very different ideas and were active in the area around Castlegar, Nelson and up into the Slocan. The biggest concentration being in Krestova and Crescent Valley. I don’t really know a lot about what was going on, but they seemed to have some issues with the government of the day. Their protests hit the media on a regular basis and usually took the form of marching around naked, burning their homes or blowing things to smithereens. I’m not really sure what if anything that really accomplished in the end analysis, but it sure made for some fine media coverage.

As most of the women that marched around in their birthday suits were of the older and chunkier variety, I’m sure a lot of young boys of that era thought twice about getting married becoming confirmed bachelors and still are to this very day. Most of the population of the area still consists of predominantly Doukabors with a good smattering of Hippies and old draft dodgers from the ‘70s with a few newcomers such as displaced Albertans and other assorted foreigners.

Having said all that, the neighbours thus far seem to be a great bunch. I’ve met quite a few and especially the Doukabors are very outgoing and ready to help with whatever they can at the drop of a hat. They do have a few peculiarities that set them aside from the imports. They hate to waste anything! Now that’s not necessarily a bad thing, you know the old saying, “waste not want not”. The only problem is that eventually you run out of room to store things. Not only that, “where do you draw the line”? I mean really, at the place we bought which is just over 4 acres, most of the area around the buildings is taken up with bits of wood, kindling, jars, cans, windows, boxes (cardboard and wood), bottles, old insulation, wiring, plumbing, old drawers (not the kind you wear), rusty shovels, hoes, pitch forks with no handles and even scythes, (whoever has one or knows what they are, stand up, you’re older than me) and the list goes on and on. But on the bright side, I could start a second hand store, except for the fact that everyone in the valley likely has two or three of whatever I might have in stock.

By and large, the older folks such as the two sisters that owned our place, didn’t believe in painting anything such as homes, outbuildings sheds or garages and as such most everything is in a sad state of repair. Either that or the thought was, if it was painted in 54’, why should it be painted again? It just so happens that one of the houses on our property was built somewhere around the 40s, and I’m sure that most of the material in it was salvaged from some former home or homes in the area. It’s in pretty tough shape. We decided that it really wasn’t worth saving so we called the local fire department to see if perhaps they would like to use it for fire practice and burn it down for us. The next day a nice young fellow named John who is the Fire Chief for the town of Winlaw came down to look the situation over and decided that the next fire practice would be a good time to burn the old girl down.

As it happened, the old house used to be heated by stove oil which is about the same as diesel fuel, and an old tank next to the house had a couple of hundred litres of fuel in it and the Fire Chief wanted it empty before the burn. I didn’t know what to do to empty the fuel. I mentioned the problem to my nephew across the road and he said, “no problem, we’ll just call some of the neighbours and see if they would like to have it.” Two short calls were made and by the time I walked home the block to may place, that tank was dryer than a popcorn you know what.

Some of the locals have gotten wind that the house is going to be burnt and rumour has it that before the fire department lights it up, there will be nothing left but an empty shell. They tell me that it will be akin to a school of piranhas attacking a sick cow trying to make it across the Amazon. I don’t know how well I’m going to fit in here, but I do know that I managed to save the empty tank for myself and I did salvage a door, some electrical fittings and some copper plumbing.

Maybe I’ll change my name to Okkersnoff.

Have a Heart Michaëlle, I mean, Really, Have a heart

A week or so ago Michaëlle Jean, Canada’s Governor General, started a fervor when she ate a piece of raw baby seal heart during a traditional Innuit feast. The act has sparked everything from anger from animal rights activists to pride in our country and our Governor General from down home rednecks like yours truly. Everyone has jumped into the fray including Paul and Linda McCartney of Beatles fame.

In past years Paul and Linda have been seen laying on the ice during the annual seal hunt extolling the plight of the poor baby seals that they consider are being brutally murdered. They have even gone as far as comparing them to human babies in their zeal to bring their plight to the international stage.

So what’s it all about? Is it really about cruelty to animals? Is it about arachic killing methods or is it about warm fuzzy feelings towards a certain species? It’s interesting to note that the greater portion of the protest is coming out of Hollywood. Most of the protesters being entertainers such as Paul McCartney and Heather Mills McCartney, Brigitte Bardot, Morrissey, Rolf Harris, Richard Dean Anderson, Charles Aznavour, Kim Basinger, Juliette Binoche, Pamela Anderson, Martin Sheen, Mogwai (band), Pierce Brosnan, Paris Hilton, Sara Quin, Loretta Swit, Rutger Hauer, John Paul DeJoria, Ed Begley, Jr., Dave Foreman, Farley Mowat, Linda Blair, and the Red Hot Chili Peppers. These I’m sure all have degrees in animal conservation. Although I love watching them on TV and the big screen, I believe that for the best part the majority of them don’t have a clue about the real world that the rest of us smucks have to live in.

I did a bit of digging around on the internet just to get a feel of what others are thinking of the situation. I found a blog site with a comment that pretty well sums up the mentality of people living in large cities that have no idea where food actually comes from:
Seriously! Why don't they just go to Fisherman's Market or Rubio's!? That's soooo gross! That poor baby seal! Why did those dumb mean Eskimos have to do icky stuff like this?? Gahl! Stephanie, Torrance, USA

Well Steph, what about the chicken, pork, beef, veal, or whatever it is that you consume, where in the heck did you think that it comes from? What about the two sunnyside up chicken embryos with a side of sliced fried pork belly you had for breakfast this morning?

Do you suppose it all just comes from some big factory where it grows in big vats and it is shaped and formed and put into packages for your convenience? No Steph, it all comes from some poor dumb animal that was killed just so that you and those like you can eat and be dressed. Is it done humanly? Take a trip to a commercial killing plant sometime and open your eyes to the real world. We are carnivores of the highest order, as a matter of fact if you check the food chain, you will see your own smiling face at the top of the heap.

Did anyone ever wonder what the reaction to the seal hunt would be if they, the seals, actually looked like toads instead of cute furry little critters with big soulful eyes? I can tell you that no one would care. As a matter of fact on March 29th of this year there was a mass killing of cane toads in Queensland, Australia. The toads are a nuisance and in an effort to control the situation, even school kids were enrolled in the toad round-up. Prizes were given out for the largest number of toads gathered. The toads were then killed and ground up to be used as fertilizer in the sugar cane fields. No one batted an eye, not one comment was made in defense of the toad.

It’s all about emotion and nothing else. The seals are cute, so it goes to reason that they have to be saved. Toad are gross so kill them. While most of those on the emotional side of the coin have little or no conservation background or knowledge, I found one who has considerable. Jacques Cousteau (1910-1997) was renowned worldwide as a pioneer of marine conservation. He had this to say in regard to the seal hunt protest, "The harp seal question is entirely emotional. We have to be logical. We have to aim our activity first to the endangered species. Those who are moved by the plight of the harp seal could also be moved by the plight of the pig - the way they are slaughtered is horrible." There is talk that our Governor General will be participating in an actual harp seal hunt during the next season, I only have this to say: “Club one for me Michaëlle.”